Colorless nights…

“De a poco… de a poco…
pequeñas luciérnagas de cristal escapan presurosas de mi pecho
Volando… volando…
a donde la luz pueda brillar aún en medio de la más oscura noche de desvelo
Tan lejos… tan lejos…
donde jamás logren alcanzarlas las lágrimas que solo saben de tormentos
De a poco… de a poco…
el flujo eterno y constante de polvo de hadas se detiene y el silencio reina la nada
Flotando… flotando…
van meciendo sus alas que han perdido por completo su color después de ser tan fragmentadas
Tan alto… tan alto…
que ni siquiera los sueños pueden estirar sus delicados dedos para sentir su calor
Y sin más… desaparecen.”


And it’s kind of sad… that even if you already know that you’re an strange thing pretty hard to understand and define, the people that you love and trust can’t even see through the glitter mask of void that you tend to put on sometimes, when you feel yourself like drowning just from breathing… that no one can see through a fake smile that only exist to hide a crying of despair… that no one can hear the “save me” behind every “I’m fine” that you say… and it’s even sadest, when that same people think morea bout their own feelings than yours… because sometimes, you just need some time and space to put yourself together and being back to “normal” and being able to enjoy your own life… because sometimes you just need their understanding without questions or explanations… because sometimes you just need to recieve and not to give… because sometimes you just need to cry out your inner shit without feeling guilty…
But the most sad part is… that when you are a little selfish with yourself and you do what you need to be ok again… the ones that you care the most are the ones who make you feel the worst for hurt them with your selfishness… and that’s how the blue-cicle never ends… because at the end, you rather to don’t lose the people you love than to keep doing what is necessary and you rather lose yourself than being alone without them… such a shitty maze in wich we all are lost in… right?
To be honest… I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t have a fucking idea of wich way to go because I don’t love anyone more than I love myself but I really love this people and I don’t want to lose them… but I can’t deal with other’s feelings in this moment, I have enough with my own inner turmoil right now… I know that I need to fix the shattered things now, beacuse tomorrow is gonna be too late, but to do that, I need to take a few steps back and I’m no sure if that is gonna be bad or worst for my future me… fear and confussion… not my favorite coctail of feelings for an august’s summer sorrow.
So, yeah… it is kind of sad… that the sky looks so blue to being a scenery so cold and monochrome.



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